It Was How?

©Sharon Rose


Wearing your clothes, a comfort.

For years I left your clothes as

You left them, hanging perfectly.

All the hangers facing one direction,

Coats all in one section, dress

clothes I donated, and you wore

your favorite suit. Sorry about the

Beard, it made your mother happy.

You never came to visit though. So

I knew you were happy. Sister did

know you were helping her, that

was nice of you. Amazing actually.  

         It was how I coped!

Buried under all your paperwork

And tissues from silent tears,

Forever vacuuming the washer

and dryer. Flakes everywhere for

a year. Some days laughing and

many days in tears. Quiet times

were many. Lonely times too.

Mostly I tried to be happy for

You because all your anxiety

And the roller coaster was at

a stop. Sad I was that still

sleep on your side of the bed.

         It was how I coped!

Comforting is how the old worn

sweatpants, old socks. Your girl

quit swimming. Quit college

for a year too. But, she was only

fifteen. She has time. Your clothes

were so comforting and a year

later I got through all the papers.

Learned to make coffee, your

computers died. You will be glad

to know that everyone else moved

on and stayed in remission. So we

dispersed the group. Moving on

all the survivors did well.

         It was how I coped!

Remembering your last days,

with only one regret, the silence

was deafening as you stopped eating

and talking. Disillusionment

set in as the ending was so

sudden and we never said

any goodbyes. Guess that

is the way sometime? A

hopeless romantic I was.

You have a beautiful spot

down by the water. No

matter what. God I miss all

the food we used to eat. And

never gained weight, always

thankful we were.

          It was how I coped!

Then it all ended. Later on

given a new group of single

women to teach, we did SALT.

That was another life altogether.

Lined up in a library group so

Many of the books that changed

us were included in helping others.

Immersed in works, having no life of

My own I made a misstep or so but,

nothing like when we were young.

Our girl got into college again and

It was difficult for her. And it costs

a lot. She is doing well although now

it is a struggle for her every semester

working full time, school debts go up

and up each year going by. Beautiful

she is now and I am old.

            It was how I coped!

You know what happen in the north

It just got worse, but it was out of our

hands. Our dear friends also did pass

sorry to say. Just so you know I still

have a few of your things. No one can

tell as they comfort me when I am

alone. Life is still difficult for me as

times are still the same. Still dealing

with prejudices of at least two sorts.

Probably three, always the same

poverty, racism and you know; being

different like me. How superior everyone

thinks they are. Wrap in your old sweatshirt!

               It is how I coped!

So maybe you were spared

it all. Remembering 911 with you and guess

what? Now the world is even more prejudiced,

if it is not ethnically then it is religion, morality,

just so full of hate. You and I would be

crying together every day over the news.

People are still blowing up stuff. Seems

to be no peace. Only mourning. Guess you can

see all now. Least without the emotional pain

we all suffer watching it all helpless and hopeless.

Knowing only He will change it all in His time.

This most likely will be the last time I write about

you except in reference. Keep cheering us all on

and keep helping your sister. You have your

mother all the time now so I know you are

happy. It is how I cope! Now you are;

Seeing the water all day. All day, every day.

              It was how I coped!  

Written as a long free verse in

Response to a poem I enjoyed

  “How It Is”

by Maxine W Kumin